Goodness, look 2years have past since i last visited my blog. My blog was restricted and blocked off to anyone simply because i felt i had nothing interesting to offer to my fellow readers.
Today 12april2012 marks almost 2years and 6months since my last post. Those 2years sure do fly by quick. Today i just received my NS/Army letter regarding my medical check up, and honestly i feel like its a new beginning, an end to all the fucked up things that has happened to me in the past years. However, i cant help but still be occupied by the fact that i withdrew from Architecture course from SP. I am not proud of sharing this information with anyone whatsoever. Its that feeling of disappointment, guilt and embarrassment whenever i talk about my 'studies' especially to my family and friends. It is not easy i tell you.
Recently it has come to my realization that i havent been living my life to the fullest. I have always been afraid of doing so. And it has come to a point, i am turning 21 this 2012, that i am filled with so much self hate that i now feel like giving up on life. Was i being too dramatic? Insensible? I feel as though my friends are doing well and i am not. In simple terms, i am Lost.
What do i do now to make up for all the disappointment that i have made due to my misjudge of self-capability. Maybe i could have excelled, but i slacked off way too much by playing maplestory thinking that things will fit together after a session of gaming. I swear gaming is just so time consuming, life absorbing, literally a sponge on life just that one dont realise it until later.
It takes a lot to pull away from playing maplestory especially hardest when you know theres so many virtual 'events' going on in the game. I want to quit mapling and get a move on in life! I mean it- but when?? Reality check, life is so much more meaningful if people like me werent so scared to live it. To be totally honest here, and i feel i should be, i think i need someone preferably a partner to motivate,push me and encourage me to do stuff i normally would not have dared to.
[b] fast forward 20 years, i will be 40. Scary thought.
